The Advice from A Parent Which Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader inability to open up between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to request a break - going on a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."